The VITAL Tour -- Women's Self-Defense
Advice
This section is referring to a
lot of the bogus advice that is either floating around out
there or is deliberately taught to women. It is NOT a
continuation of our previous discussion of Model Mugging
and IMPACT; which are generally good programs for women to
learn.
Sometimes you will see these classes offered at martial
arts schools. Sometimes they are offered at the local gym
or community centers. Many times this information gets
passed around in conversations. And all too often men in
their lives who think they know the best way a woman can
protect herself push this stuff onto women. No matter how
it gets distributed, most of the self-defense information
specifically for women turns out to be rubbish.
We are speaking of the advice such as:
- If someone tries to rape you, just vomit or urinate on yourself and it will disgust him enough to leave you alone.
- If they are still trying to rape you, tell them you have V.D. or HIV and they will be too scared to do it.
- Carry your keys, one between each finger, when you are walking to your car at night.
- Never walk alone, especially at night; and never ever in a parking lot or by some bushes in a park.
- Use a hatpin or hairpin to stab at the attacker.
- Pretend to comply with the sexual assault. He wants to overpower you, but if you act like you want it, he won’t get any thrill from it and he will leave you alone.
- If someone has a gun or knife you better do exactly what they tell you because they could kill you in a split-second.
- Don’t wear provocative clothing because that will make you look like you want to be violated by a sexual assault.
- Put a little can of pepper spray on your key ring… that will stop them dead in their tracks.
- Buy a handgun and carry it in your purse. They are point-and-shoot easy and no matter how big they are you will be able to drop them like a bad habit.
What gets us the most about this kind of garbage is the inherent condescension in the advice. All these things are framed in a way that says: “Women aren’t able to protect themselves as well as a man”. That my friend is a big load of hogwash! Women have everything they need to effectively defend themselves and then some! Especially when you factor in the “Mama Bear” principal (a woman protecting her children), women can be very potent in their defense indeed.
The bottom line with these kinds of programs and type of advice is this: If the information or advice isn’t adequate enough for a man to use, then it’s not good enough for a women either. You wouldn’t train a man in self-defense against anal sexual assault by telling him “don’t wear short dresses and stay out of dark parking lots”. Obviously that’s ridiculous. If it’s ridiculous for a man, then it’s equally (if not more so) ridiculous for a woman.
(By the way, what a woman wears has zero statistical influence on her risks of being sexually assaulted. Now, only 999 more self-defense myths to dispel.)
Another glaring flaw (while we are on the topic of self-defense for women) is the whole “my husband / boyfriend will protect me” mentality. Did you know that almost 1 out of every 2 women murdered was killed by their husband or boyfriend? Think about that for a second. Of all the females murdered, their most intimate partners murdered half of them. A guy who probably hugged, kissed, and shared their bed with them, took them out of this life brutally because he made a decision to do so.
Sometimes a male student in our self-defense classes will raise their hand and ask me how they can help with the violence against women. I tell him (in semi-tongue-in-cheek manner) “Don’t beat or kill your wife / girlfriend.” If we can just do that, we are half way there. Of course that answer is glib, incomplete, and doesn’t respect the good intentions of the man who asked it. I’ll go on to elaborate other answers to his questions after that, but that’s usually how I start my reply.
Every single day, 12 women are murdered by their husbands / boyfriends. That’s today, and yesterday, and 25 days ago, and 1 year ago, and every day in between. That’s a dozen women, mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, grandmothers, co-workers, and humans that are intentionally executed in our society. Yes, our society… The United States of America in the year of 2008! That’s like a plane full of 360 women being intentionally crashed into a side of a mountain every month, for years and decades on end.
It’s interesting how the mundane, chronic problems that are most prevalent and important go unnoted, while the latest sensationalized crime trend is coming up on the 11 o’clock nightly news. This just in “criminals who poison your postage stamps. Is your family next? Watch our expose tonight at 11.” In the meantime, another woman is murdered by her “loved one”, and she just goes at the bottom of a long list that no one reads. (Thank goodness she didn’t lick that stamp though… and at least she had her husband / boyfriend there to protect---oh yeah, wait a minute.)
Women face real dangers and problems throughout their lives. They need tools, advice, and solutions that respect them and the situations they face in a very real way. Pandering to them with off-the-cuff, irresponsible, condescending, and disrespectful self-defense information is only exasperating the problem. Women are capable of so much love, beauty, intelligence, and strength. Let’s not discount them when it comes to saving their own lives, or the lives of their children. They deserve better than that. There is a time for prim and proper, and a time for primal and powerful. Women can excel in both those capacities.